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Theresa May writes that letter … (with apologies to the Great American Songbook)

28 Mar

I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

And make believe it came from the EU

I’m gonna make deals oh so sweet

They’re gonna knock me off may feet

Same terms as Single Market

I’ll be glad I’ve got them


I’m gonna smile and say I’m really feeling sovereign

And sign ‘with love’ the way you do

I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

And make believe it came from the EU


I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

And make believe it came from the EU

I’m gonna make deals oh so sweet

They’re gonna knock me off may feet

Falling immigration

Is my aspiration


I’m gonna smile and say I’m really feeling sovereign

And sign ‘with love’ the way you do

I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter

And make believe it came from the EU

And make believe it came from the EU




Brexit music for a Friday

3 Feb

The other day I could have sworn I read that there was going to be a ‘Hard rock Brexit’ – turns out it was actually ‘rock hard’ – but hey, it got me thinking about Brexit expressed in musical genres, and so a list was born …


Hard Rock Brexit: Well if it is ‘rock hard’, clearly nothing by AC/DC, and leaving the Single Market means no Norwegian death metal options, but hopefully our negotiators Are EU Experienced …

Funky Brexit:  Harks back to Parliament – if it all goes pear-shaped can escape in the Mothership …

Punk Brexit:  Feat.  Walking on the Blue Flag Beaches – with street fashion –  think Article 50 bin bag with safety-pinned Amendments

Brexit Musicals:  West Side of Europe Story, Anything Goes incl. ‘I Get a Kick out of EU’ by Coal Importer  (Don’t say The Lady is A Trump)

MOR Brexit: For when sovereignty is More than a Feeling …

Hip Hop Brexit:  Anything by Outkast

Soul Brexit:  What’s Going On? Feat. (Maybe not) Flying high in the Friendly Sky

Happy listening everyone!

A Post-Truth Christmas Stocking

21 Dec

Well, 2016 has been quite a year.  As it comes to a close I’ve sketched out the contents of a post-truth Christmas stocking, to remember what has been and carry into the year ahead…

Every stocking has a toy gimmic – and what better this year than the mini-boomerang?  Carry in your pocket, and when you have an opinion, you can voice it as you throw the boomerang, and watch it come right back at you.  It’s the portable echo chamber we all need to remind us how far ideas travel:



How about some stationery?  The post-truth Christmas stocking contains your own ballot pencil – guaranteed indelible and conspiracy-proof should you wish to vote on anything:



… and if you do need to rub anything out, try the 2 sided post-truth eraser – as you rub out the facts, see the lies grow bigger and bigger :



A pocket game is always welcome, and this year it can only be Top Trumps:



Last, but not least every stocking has something sweet, and for Christmas 2016 the selection is embassy favourite, Farageo Rocher, and a post-Brexit Toblerone – a fitting reminder of the peaks and troughs of an epic year:



Merry Christmas everyone!  See you in 2017

Forever Autumn Statement (with apologies to Jeff Wayne et al)

23 Nov

The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near
The winter winds might be much colder
When EU’s not here.

We watch the points track south across the autumn graphs

And one by one they disappear
We hope we won’t be tracking with them
When EU’s not here

With development funds EU came to support us
Like a loose counterfoil EU’s blown away

Through autumn’s gold spreadsheet we used to click our way
We always loved this time of year.
Those falling points may disturb now
Cause EU won’t be here

With development funds EU came to support us
Like a loose counterfoil EU’s blown away ….




Lazy Friday (with apologies to the Small Faces)

10 Sep

A-wouldn’t it be nice to get on with me neighbours?
But they make it very clear, they’ve got no room for Brexiteers

They stop me from groovin’, they won’t build me wall

They doing me Regional Development crust in, it’s no good at all, ah
Lazy Friday afternoon
I’ve got no mind to worry
I close my eyes and drift away-a
Here we all are sittin’ in a rainbow
Gor blimey, hello Mrs. May, how’s old Guy Verhofstadt’s negotiatin’? (he mustn’t grumble)
(Tweedle-dee) I’ll sing you a song with no words and no tune (twiddly-dee)
To sing in your Party while you souse at the moon (oh yeah)
Lazy Friday afternoon, I’ve got no mind to worry
Close my eyes and drift away-a

Root-de-doo-de-doo, a-root-and-branch-recovery
A-root-de-doot-de-dum, a-root-and-branch-recovery…




A century is a long time in politics …

1 Jul

I remember very clearly the first time I heard the word ‘quagmire’ – it was when I was in secondary school studying the First World War.  Our history teacher was rather old school, and after a brief outline of the day’s topic and a bit of class discussion, he would dictate notes to us.  As he expounded on the nature of trench warfare, the horrors of going over the top, and the terrible physical conditions endured by the soldiers, it all culminated in a ‘quagmire’ of mud and fallen men.  The image has always stuck with me, reinforced by the war poets.


And today, after the most tumultuous week in post-World War Two British politics, the word ‘quagmire’ came to me again.  A sticky swamp of unreason seems as good a metaphor as any for the leaderless void in which we have found ourselves post-Brexit, with implosion in both the major parties, and economic and political uncertainty of a kind not seen for decades.  Events, dear boy, events doesn’t quite cover the pace of change in the last few days.  As the pictures of Somme commemorations shared the airwaves with latest machinations in Westminster, the Tory leadership contest and disorder in Labour, it was hard not to juxtapose these two vital periods in history.  And it occurred to me that First World War vocabulary has been around a lot – people talk of being ‘shell-shocked’ following the Brexit vote; ‘bombshells’ have been dropped, and both Boris Johnson and Angela Eagle have been styled Blonde Bombshells.  The language of political shocks was forged in wartime experience.  And the particular narrative of class division between leadership and frontline experience, which is part and parcel of the narrative of the First World War, resonates now: social media abounds with ‘lions led by donkeys’ echoes.


In the middle of all this, another part of the story seems more muted.  After the devastation of not just the First, but also the Second World War, countries came together to build a peace.  During the EU referendum there was a lot of talk about being bound together by fear – fear of outsiders on the one hand, fear of economic collapse on the other.  But there was little celebration of the power of internationalism for co-operation, for peaceful co-existence, for prevention of extreme abuses of power.  Many of the challenges we currently face cross borders – it’s not just about people.  Ideas – political, economic, scientific – are built on collaboration as well as contest, on wide debate as well as narrow self-interest.  These richnesses of stable cohabitation lie underneath the imperfect European Union.  I am keen to see how they can be preserved in some new form of partnership. It has been made more difficult, but we mustn’t give up now.


The other big story this week has been European football – and we all know how in the trenches at Christmas, British and German soldiers declared a truce and played football in no-man’s land.  As the England team dropped out of the Euros this week, and as our understanding of Brexit unfolded around a story that a long-overlooked population had decided to stick it to the man, I hope we have not forgotten how to play the ball.  That requires teamwork and an understanding of the other side.


The Other Euro-vision

24 May

As millions of Britons enthusiastically sat on the sofa for another Eurovision Song Contest, it occurred to me that our country does not often display similar attachment to other European institutions, and that one might well ask ‘What has Europe ever done for us?’ Perhaps part of the problem is that the Acts of the European Union have not had the services of their very own George Campey (yes, really). He was a BBC man who coined the term ‘Eurovision’ in the face of the preferred name ‘European Television Exchange’ – anyone who would vote for that option is clearly (straight) bananas …

So here’s a timely reminder of some things Europe has done for us – some unsexy Article names demonstrate a commitment to stuff important for us all :

The Treaty of Rome in 1957 (Article 119 EEC, then 141 EC, now Article 157 TFEU) equal pay for equal work

Treaty of Amsterdam in 1999, (Article 2 EC) the promotion of equality between men and women became one of the essential tasks of the European Community

Lisbon Treaty (Article 2 TEU), gender equality can be used as a yardstick for determining whether a European state can be a candidate for accession.

EU legislation (Directive 92/85/EEC), all women in the EU have the right to at least 14 weeks maternity leave and to protection from dismissal for being pregnant.

Directive 2006/54/EC on EU rules on equal treatment for women and men in employment addressing different elements of the equal pay principle (IP/13/1227)

The Working Time Directive, 2003/88/EC, is a Directive of the European Union. It gives EU workers the right to a minimum number of holidays each year, rest breaks, and rest of at least 11 hours in any 24 hours; restricts excessive night work; a day off after a week’s work; and provides for a right to work no more than 48 hours per week

And the wonk in Wonklifebalance has to direct your attention to all those programmes which fund research in our Universities and generate much of the evidence we need:

Oh and finally, Europe stands up for our rights – and that gets my vote:

‘The European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR) (formally the Convention for the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms) is an international treaty to protect human rights and fundamental freedoms in Europe. Drafted in 1950 by the then newly formed Council of Europe, the convention entered into force on 3 September 1953. All Council of Europe member states are party to the Convention and new members are expected to ratify the convention at the earliest opportunity.’

All in all it’s a case of Brexit, nul points …..




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